Dating violence- a growing trend and how to stop it
Violence within a relationship is something many of us connect with married couples. Perhaps they drink too much or spend too much money or get into confrontations over jealousy or other marital issues. Few of us really consider the fact that violence and abuse can exist in a teenage dating relationship. Many want to believe that their son or daughter would never be a part of dating violence and would never stand for it being perpetrated on them. Unfortunately that is not always the case.
According to Jessica McKee, community education outreach coordinator for the local Every Woman’s House and STEPS at Liberty Center, teen dating violence is very common whether adults are aware of it or not.
“Teen dating violence is very common,” McKee said. “Ten percent of adolescents report being a victim of physical dating violence, while 24 percent of adolescents report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year. Another 33 percent of teens say they have actually witnessed such an event.”
McKee said that teen dating violence has just recently been recognized as a significant public health problem and sometimes it goes undetected until it’s too late.
“We do not normally hear about this topic until there is a tragic situation,” she said. “Another reason why we do not hear about this is because teens have a hard time reaching out to get help if they are in an abusive relationship. When they do reach out, they may be embarrassed, in fear, ashamed, or feel guilty. Therefore, these situations are normally held as private as possible by the teen.”
Although both males and females are victims of dating violence and abuse, girls may be more prone to controlling situations within a relationship.
“Both males and females are victims of abuse,” McKee said. “However, with teenage girls, jealousy is a primary red flag of a controlling relationship and is often mistaken for love. It is hard for someone in an abusive relationship to realize what others outside the relationship are seeing. Strong gender stereotypes can be a warning sign both in teenage and adult relationships so that is something to notice.”
Many parents don’t understand that any teenager can fall into this type of situation. Regardless of how strong their relationship is with their teen or how much confidence their teen possesses, when it comes to dating and love, people sometimes do things and accept circumstances they would normally never accept.
McKee said that even the most confident teenagers can be victims of abuse and that any form of dating violence (physical, emotional, verbal, sexual) can be used to gain power and control over a victim. These forms of abuse are powerful and effective and can happen to any individual regardless of their self-esteem, intellect or personality.
Parents are the number one advocate for their teen. Even if your teen seems physically mature and grown up, they are still an adolescent and capable of making the wrong choice. It is a good idea for moms and dads to stay very involved in their teenagers’ love life, whether they like it or not. Knowing who your teen is dating and what the situations are surrounding that relationship is an important factor. McKee said there are things parents can look for and certain behaviors they can note.
“If one partner acts extremely jealous or one partner is name calling or putting down the other in front of others, these are things to take note of,” McKee said. “Also, if you notice one partner continuously apologizing or making excuses for inappropriate behavior or one partner is isolated and has given up things that used to be important, those are also signs.”
Other signs to look for include: change in weight, appearance or grades, injuries that cannot be explained or don’t make sense, explosive personality or coping skills with one partner or one partner always checking up on the other (calling, texting, demanding to know where they are and who they are with). All these things are signs that there may be a controlling situation going on. Parents need to notice behaviors that are out of the ordinary and sudden changes in their teen.
If you are concerned that your teen may be involved in an unhealthy relationship, McKee said that action should be taken, but taken carefully.
“The over-arching concept is to move the child forward on their journey to safety,” she said. “Use open communication, but do not pressure the child to end the relationship or threaten to take it into your own hands. Make it clear of the specific warning signs you have seen in the relationship. Also make it known that you are there for them, should they decide that the relationship is abusive. Listen without distraction, try to be non-judgmental, and validate their experience. Lastly, making a safety plan together is a good idea for ‘just in case’ scenarios.”
According to McKee, Every Woman’s House has a 24-hour hotline, 330-263-1020, that is a great resource for crisis situations and also to get information on what steps to take during early warning signs of abuse. Every Woman’s House also provides counseling and support to victims of abuse.
According to Jessica McKee, community education outreach coordinator for the local Every Woman’s House and STEPS at Liberty Center, teen dating violence is very common whether adults are aware of it or not.
“Teen dating violence is very common,” McKee said. “Ten percent of adolescents report being a victim of physical dating violence, while 24 percent of adolescents report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse each year. Another 33 percent of teens say they have actually witnessed such an event.”
McKee said that teen dating violence has just recently been recognized as a significant public health problem and sometimes it goes undetected until it’s too late.
“We do not normally hear about this topic until there is a tragic situation,” she said. “Another reason why we do not hear about this is because teens have a hard time reaching out to get help if they are in an abusive relationship. When they do reach out, they may be embarrassed, in fear, ashamed, or feel guilty. Therefore, these situations are normally held as private as possible by the teen.”
Although both males and females are victims of dating violence and abuse, girls may be more prone to controlling situations within a relationship.
“Both males and females are victims of abuse,” McKee said. “However, with teenage girls, jealousy is a primary red flag of a controlling relationship and is often mistaken for love. It is hard for someone in an abusive relationship to realize what others outside the relationship are seeing. Strong gender stereotypes can be a warning sign both in teenage and adult relationships so that is something to notice.”
Many parents don’t understand that any teenager can fall into this type of situation. Regardless of how strong their relationship is with their teen or how much confidence their teen possesses, when it comes to dating and love, people sometimes do things and accept circumstances they would normally never accept.
McKee said that even the most confident teenagers can be victims of abuse and that any form of dating violence (physical, emotional, verbal, sexual) can be used to gain power and control over a victim. These forms of abuse are powerful and effective and can happen to any individual regardless of their self-esteem, intellect or personality.
Parents are the number one advocate for their teen. Even if your teen seems physically mature and grown up, they are still an adolescent and capable of making the wrong choice. It is a good idea for moms and dads to stay very involved in their teenagers’ love life, whether they like it or not. Knowing who your teen is dating and what the situations are surrounding that relationship is an important factor. McKee said there are things parents can look for and certain behaviors they can note.
“If one partner acts extremely jealous or one partner is name calling or putting down the other in front of others, these are things to take note of,” McKee said. “Also, if you notice one partner continuously apologizing or making excuses for inappropriate behavior or one partner is isolated and has given up things that used to be important, those are also signs.”
Other signs to look for include: change in weight, appearance or grades, injuries that cannot be explained or don’t make sense, explosive personality or coping skills with one partner or one partner always checking up on the other (calling, texting, demanding to know where they are and who they are with). All these things are signs that there may be a controlling situation going on. Parents need to notice behaviors that are out of the ordinary and sudden changes in their teen.
If you are concerned that your teen may be involved in an unhealthy relationship, McKee said that action should be taken, but taken carefully.
“The over-arching concept is to move the child forward on their journey to safety,” she said. “Use open communication, but do not pressure the child to end the relationship or threaten to take it into your own hands. Make it clear of the specific warning signs you have seen in the relationship. Also make it known that you are there for them, should they decide that the relationship is abusive. Listen without distraction, try to be non-judgmental, and validate their experience. Lastly, making a safety plan together is a good idea for ‘just in case’ scenarios.”
According to McKee, Every Woman’s House has a 24-hour hotline, 330-263-1020, that is a great resource for crisis situations and also to get information on what steps to take during early warning signs of abuse. Every Woman’s House also provides counseling and support to victims of abuse.
Published: May 1, 2011
